Let’s Redefine: Virginity.

Let’s talk about virginity!

My main question is: “Why has/is/will virginity be describe(d) only as penetration?” Think about it! If a girl wants to lose their virginity, the boy must go in and “pop her cherry” (that’s a hymen, for all you fifteen year olds who may or may not know exactly what a cherry is). Likewise for a guy, if he wants to lose his virginity, he must go into the girl “successfully.” Let’s also note that (in this dominant discourse of sex and virginity) it’s easier for a guy to lose his virginity, because it pretty much just putting it in anything. In accordance with this definition of virginity, I am definitely a virgin. I will now take any comments about me being a prude, or lame, or a fanciful prancing guy. None of the above apply and you are just extremely rude for even thinking those things. Go garner some manners!

Next point! When you’re in a non-heteronormative relationship (let’s face it, hook ups, partners, fuck buddies all fall under the umbrella category of relationships) things get muddy. Mostly because our minds have been saturated with this idea of “virginity” and how it would affect our lives and social standings (I would go in to how language is very much a social construct, but I feel that’s for another post that you won’t read). With non-heteronormative folks, there may not be a “penetration” or a distinct male-female dynamic. Being a part of this community and dynamic made me ponder the meaning of “virginity.” Over time, it’s become more of a “state of mind” than a “state of being.” There doesn’t have to be a penetration or something “popping.” For me, virginity is defined as the letting down of your guard to someone you truly care about. It’s an absolute trust in your partner and it’s something that doesn’t require a thrusting to achieve. It’s personal and something only you can decide to “lose” or rather “give.” In accordance with this alternative discourse of the word, I have definitely given my virginity.

All this being said, just because someone hasn’t had sex doesn’t make them anything but who they are. If they’re ready, then they’re ready. If they want to wait for the right man/woman/gender non-conforming individual to show up, then let them wait. It’s not really up to anyone else.

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